SNACK WARS: Pizza Pop Supremacy
By Colton Hoppe on February 20, 2023
College is the time for students to stretch their budget to the max, and that means many students might ditch their diet altogether to save a couple of dollars. In my experience, if you’re looking for something that’ll hit the spot, but not break the bank. I suggest the Pillsbury Pizza Pop. Easy to throw in the microwave, always convenient, and its decent pizza taste on a student budget. But, we’re not just going to let any pizza pop be eaten… no no, this is the true and tested tiering of each flavour they make, and it’ll help you pick the perfect snack for when big pizza taste comes calling.
NUMBER 5: Deluxe Pizza Pops come in at the Number Five spot, and I wish these could have been ranked lower. The off-putting mixture of too many mushrooms and peppers with not enough cheese and pepperoni make these a disastrous snacking adventure. Granted these do smell WAY better than they taste, but this is an adventure for the bravest of souls. You’ll be left wondering to yourself halfway through your first few bites “why oh why did I do this to myself.”
NUMBER 4: Three Meat comes barreling in at the Number Four spot, and it’s not because they’re horrible. They’re actually pretty tasty, with the balance of pepperoni, bacon and sausage being pretty on-par. They miss the mark with consistency, as some have too much sausage, or too much pepperoni. There is NO such thing as too much bacon. A modest snack for late night study sessions, but acid reflux suffering patrons beware.
NUMBER 3: The classic, the original flavour-packed treat that appeals to the inner kid in all of us takes the number three spot, and that’s the oddly matching name of three cheese. Packed with mozzarella, parmesan and provolone. These bad boys will remind anyone who chomps down on one of these of every single childhood birthday they had which contained way too much cheese pizza. Nostalgia lovers are welcomed here, but bear in mind your craving of cheesy satisfaction will be met and the roof of your mouth will be scalded.
NUMBER 2: Pepperoni. The other staple of any childhood birthday party comes screaming in at Number Two, and for good reason. These bad boys come loaded with pepperoni goodness, almost to the point of it being a little bit overkill, but true fans of the delectable cured sausage will be drooling once the smell of them finishing up in the microwave crosses their nose. Burning the roof of your mouth is still a guaranteed risk here, but when a box of four of these bad boys costs less than four dollars, you go and eat the whole box without shame.
NUMBER 1: The moment you’ve all been awaiting, the pinnacle of pizza snacks and it’s uncontested. That would be the perfect pairing of pepperoni and bacon. Weaker-willed individuals who can only handle one of the salty meats look away, as this appeals to every single craving one might have at three in the morning if they’re still in the middle of that all night study session. The generous amounts of cheese that coats each meaty bite will have you drooling and pulling the other package out of the box to be devoured even faster than the last one.
There you have it, folks, the DEFINITIVE Pizza Pops ranking for when you’re pressed for time and there’s an all-night study session on the horizon.