March Madness tips for people that don’t watch college basketball

March Madness is here and you want to get involved. Maybe your class or office has a started a bracket pool. Maybe your significant other’s dad went to Princeton and still lives and dies for the Tigers. Or maybe you’re just looking for a valid excuse to call in sick for the next couple Thursdays and Fridays. The only problem is you haven’t watched a lick of college basketball in your life and are afraid of looking a fool. That’s where I come in.

I consider myself a sports aficionado. Hockey, football, hoops, curling, golf. Pro, collegiate, amateur, you name it. One particular area I don’t devote a lot of focus to is NCAA Basketball, until March that is. Like the vast majority of the continent I become consumed by these young men competing for their schools with nothing more than glory and bragging rights to win. That is, if they’re the last team standing of the 64 that begin play tomorrow. This tournament has a particular stranglehold on the country in which it originates, contributing to an insane statistic.

“Over a third of Americans plan on playing hooky at work in order to watch the March Madness tournament.”

OnePoll.us 03/16/22

In case you’re a college hoops novice, or haven’t had much luck with your bracket in years past and are looking for new strategy, heed these tips before finalizing your selections. Keep in mind NONE of these tips have anything to do with the actual basketball being played. Rather they focus on elements that anybody and everybody can evaluate.

Make Picks Based on Mascots

There are so many teams named the Wildcats or the Tigers or the Bears or some variation of a menacing animal. Snore, boring. Why not take a flyer on the Volunteers, or the Crimson Tide, or get really crazy and stake your claim on the Boilermakers. What is a boilermaker you ask? I think it’s a train. And when you’re cheering for them on Friday (which is also St. Patrick’s Day) have a few boilermaker shots for good measure. A quick google search can tell you any school’s mascot so find a couple that really stick out to you and ride them to the Final Four. BONUS points if the physical mascot provides extra charm, like Providence’s Friar.

Don’t Pick Just Favourites, or Underdogs

The teams are seeded one through 16 in each region of the bracket for a reason. However don’t fall into the trap of assuming the team that a committee deems “better” and gives a higher seed to will always win. 12s beat fives, 10s beat sevens, and once in the history of the tournament, a 16 beat a number one seed when UMBC upset Virginia. With this is mind, don’t be the person that does the flipside and picks all upsets. You’re likely to draw the ire of friends, family, or coworkers if you’re rooting for the underdogs in every game despite the fact they’re losing by 30 points at the half.

Close Your Eyes and Flip a Coin

When it’s all said and done, this strategy is likely to yield just as much success as sitting down and doing hours of research on these teams. Whether you regularly watch college basketball or not. Which is really what makes this tournament so exciting to watch. So if you have the time to flip a coin 63 times as you work through filling out your bracket, go nuts. Alternatively, have a look at my bracket at make some assessments from there. Fair warning, it’s probably full of losers.

Anything can happen. Come April 3rd, experts that watch hundreds of games per season can have a worse looking bracket than your aunt Gertrude who just hopes everyone has fun trying to fling the sportball through the basket for a goal.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter to be a first hand witness to my heartbreak. Like last year when Kentucky ruined my St. Patrick’s Day and my bracket all at once.

Let the madness begin.

Header Image Credit: Brandon Douglas

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